jiraem:

Maybe we’ll even get lucky and we blow up before we even get anywhere. Fun, huh?

Oh, don’t apologize, you piece of shit— whoops! I mean you funny guy! You’re getting all pissed off, aren’t you? It’s not good for your skin, you know! You’ll break out. You know what’s also not good for your skin? Being in it. I get sick to my fucking stomach just thinking about you and your partner. At least he was somewhat respectable. You wanna know what it’s like? Go try it for yourself. We had a fucking goal, and that damn asshole became too fucking obsessed with his so-called “freedom.” We fucking know we’re idiots. We’re professional idiots. Nooo, we work at the fast food place up your ass! We got involved to stop racism and slavery; that’s all there is to it. 

Woah! That would be a fucking amazing thing, wouldn’t it. A banging experience. Really.

Aw, that’s alright, you fucking asshole– I mean you card! Haha! Yeah, maybe a bit! Hey, hey, I’m respectable, Jack! Totally respectable. There are tons of people here who respect me for who I am and for what I do. Like myself. And a handful of people online. And Alexander. That’s enough people for me, that’s for sure! Oh? Haha, holy shit. Yeah, you’re fucking idiots. Getting involved in shit that you don’t have any fucking say in, what the fuck. Why would you get involved in something you’re not apart of. Sure you live in this fucking universe, but it’s not like you have the power to do shit on your own. Just fuck off already.

jiraem:

Aw, best friend, what a horrible slip-up! At least you apologized!

You know what’s really gross? Xenolifer. They’re the ones who set the whole fucking thing up, and my partner and I just went along with it like the old idiots we are. Maybe your hamster could’ve told me what went through Liam Feronh-Gau’s shit-covered pea-sized brain when he decided that the whole thing was just a peachy fucking idea. Fuck them. Fuck them and the mutilated horses they rode in on.

Best friends forever, Jack. Just you and me. Exploring the universe. Wow. Imagine that, huh.

Jeez, sounds like you guys had it rough! I’m sorry that you guys had to come to Alexander and I, and that we beat you both up real bad. If only we knew. Sigh, what good friends we could have been. If only. So, what was it like being a shitty little terrorist, huh? What was it like following that crappy rebel? What was it like running yourselves into a wall over and over again? Fucking idiots. That’s what you guys are. Or, were, I guess. I’ve learnt a bit of shit about you and Burden. You guys work for… Everdusk? Aren’t you dipshits some neutral organization, or some shit? Why the fuck did you get involved with the king of the pussy’s little ragtag group of friends?

jiraem:

Good luck trying to chop off a robotic arm.

Sounds fucking majestic. Maybe your cat’ll murder him and end his suffering. Who knows, maybe your hamster knows all the secrets off the fucking universe. Your hamster could be a fucking god for all we know. A god that I’m about ready to shove up my best friend’s ass if he doesn’t get launched into the next shitty galaxy.

I’ve done it before. It isn’t that hard.

Aw. I hope not. His Royal Majesty King Brainless is a very nice hamster! Maybe he used to know the secrets of the universe. Maybe, just maybe, inside that little hamster brain of his, he knew everything you two shitheads–

Whoops–! Sorry! I meant wonderful friends of mine could have told me. What secrets you had embedded in your mind. And maybe, just maybe, what the fuck went through your heads when you dipshits decided to fucking steal a deadly virus. You’re my friend and I care about you, but that was fucking stupid. Also, don’t shove hamsters up people’s asses. That’s just gross, buddy.

jiraem:

Hey now. I didn’t know that would happen. It’s just a little wall, anyways. Nothing too major, right, Best Buddy?

His Royal Majeswhatever the fuck sounds extremely pleasant for the occasion. Ain’t nothing better than a brainless king at a tea party between two grown fucking men. 

Aw, that’s alright buddy. I’ll just hack off whatever replacement arm you have and pawn that off! That’ll count as you paying me back for the property damage, for sure!

His Royal Majesty King Brainless, friend. That’s his name. And he’s just sitting there, drooling and looking off into space. What a nice little hamster. He never complains, not even when Trashcat decides to run around the room with him. Man. What a guy.

jiraem:

Great! I totally understand! Nothing says ‘best friends forever’ like the torture wall! Hell, let’s have a fucking tea party to celebrate what an absolute piece of fucking shit you are. What kind of tea are we gonna have; piss or blood? Be sure to invite Alexander’s mutant hamsters.

I knew you’d understand. Hell, we’re already getting closer! We usually only have blood tea here. No piss. Sorry, we’re not fancy enough for that anymore. Not after your guys fucking broke my wall.

Which ones do you want to come? Mr. Wiggles? He has little stumps for arms and legs. Or would you rather have His Royal Majesty King Brainless. Not a very clever name, I know, but as it implies, he doesn’t have a brain. Isn’t that fucking wild? I can teach you how to do it over tea, if you’d like.

jiraem:

torturatore started following you

Quit. Following me.

Aww, c'mon Jack! Can’t we just be friends? I mean, sure I chopped off your arm and Alexander ripped out some of your teeth, but that just means that I’ll always have a part of you to remember you by! That’s what friends do, right? Leave little momentos for eachother?